My New Blog

My awesome husband just created a brand spanking new blog for me.  You can find me at brookgray.com

Patterned

Romans 12:2
New International Version (NIV)

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I just love our small group.  It is so good to connect weekly to a group of people who I can learn from and share my life with.

This week we were asked what patterns of the world we had taken on in our lives.  Sounds like a simple question but it really stumped me.  I consider myself someone who is pretty careful about my decisions so it was a little difficult to come up with an answer.  Then it came to me.  Busyness.  Going here, and then there, and then back to here again.  That has become my life.  Continuing to cross items off my never-ending list.  If I'm not busy, then I must not be doing a very good job at "things".

Immediately, in the middle of small group my mind started wondering to high school when learning about priorities was number one priority.  It was something that was so aggravating to me because it was impossible for me to make my list of things that were important to me and then number them in order of importance.  But, like all teenagers, I had to learn how to decide how to spend my time.  Now, as an adult if I were to sit down and make a list of my top ten I'm afraid that I'm spending  most of my time on the bottom seven things and doing the top three in my spare time.  It should be the other way around!  How did I get so off?

Busyness is a lie of the enemy!  It is a pattern of the world.  We don't have to be busy...we choose to be.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm spinning my wheels in mud only to get out of that hole to then start sinking in quicksand.  That feeling of getting nowhere is due to spending my time on important things, but not the most important things.

Why Wait

God gave me a little gift this morning.  I woke up an hour and a half early unable to go back to sleep.  I had so much anticipation the moment I opened my eyes.  It's as if I were traveling to Disney today. Normally I wouldn't look at this as a gift.  I like my sleep.  I like waking up at the same time.  I even like setting my alarm early just so I can hit snooze for the feeling that I've somehow cheated the day out of ten extra minutes of sleep.  I lay there, forcing my eyes shut just to notice a moment later that they are wide awake staring at the walls.  Why?

I blame Erwin McManus.  Last night in small group we discussed chapter two of the book Wide Awake.   So far, it has been about dreaming big so your life will be big and letting obstacles become springboards for a fresh start.  The author of this book is, you guessed it, Erwin McManus.

Now, even though the book has been about springing off into your dreams, God always has a similar but different lesson for me.  Last night I couldn't stop thinking about how much time I spent waiting.  My life is past the point of doing the same routine day-in and day-out.  One member of our small group shared that her big decisions for the day was what to make for dinner and what show to watch at night.  While I completely relate to that, God took it a bit farther.  I kind of examined the surface level of my typical week.  I found that I pretty much spend Monday through Friday waiting to live on the weekend.

There are many reasons for this.  I figure there is not enough time in a "normal" day to do anything extra. Or, I tell myself that I'm too tired.  Or, I say I'll do it Saturday so I won't add to the stress of my current day.

Well, I say...WHY WAIT???  Do I really want to spend 250 days of the year waiting to live the other 115?  That's 64% of my year waiting!  That's just ridiculous.  I will not let stress, tiredness, or daily frustrations dictate my zeal for life anymore.  Thank you God for revealing this to me!

Living everyday doesn't mean shirking responsibilities at work so I can go to the zoo and just spend the day watching the baboons.  (Yes, in my mind that would be a great way to spend a day.)  For me, it means to

do something today that I didn't do yesterday.  

For me, it's that simple.  I'm not going to make it hard.  Just do one thing different than yesterday.

So, when I woke up early today, instead of forcing myself back to sleep only to be jolted by my robot alarm ninety minutes later, I got up and blogged the first time since May. It's one of the things I've been putting off and waiting to do for a while.

No more waiting for life...I'm going to live it!

Not the Reason I Married Him, but Close

Twelve years ago, when I married Shawn, he didn't know anything about computers.  Now, thanks to good friends, sleepless nights and endless patience, I would call him a whiz.  He can build computers, build websites and help his helpless wife with her blog (eventhough she is being stubborn and not switching to tumbler).  So, thanks Babe for making this look so good.  I love you!

Is Understanding Over-Rated?

Understand:

1. To perceive and comprehend the nature and significance of; grasp.

2. To know thoroughly by close contact or long experience with

I think as humans we want to understand things. Not just know about them, but to understand them. Scientifically, I can't say where this desire comes from, but we all have it. The strange thing is, that as time goes by, and life happens, we begin to accept things as fact and are satisfied with knowing without understanding.

For instance, I remember studying biology and how life is created. I know that two cells, one from a man and one from a woman, can come together and somehow form another human being. I can't begin to understand how that works, but I know that it does. Electricity is another example that comes to mind. I know how to use it in my home. I know that when I plug a lamp cord in the socket I am tapped into a source of electricity. I know, the light is able to be turned on. However, I don't understand where the electricity comes from. In my mind I picture Ben Franklin holding a kite with a key, but I know we've advanced farther than that now.

So, why is it then that we accept all of these day-to-day things we use and know about, even though we don't necessarily understand them? Is it that we have used them or known about them for so long that the desire to understand has been lessened? I'm not going to go up to someones baby and say, "That's not a baby, because I can't explain it or understand it. And furthermore, your baby doesn't exist." I don't see anyone refusing to use electricity because they don't understand it. As far as electricity goes, I'm currently typing on a laptop, listening to my neighbor mow his yard, drying laundry and I can feel the cool air blowing from my air conditioner. It's obvious I'm not abstaining from electricity due to my lack of understanding.

As a believer in God, I must ask, why do so many refuse the existence of God and refuse to tap into his power in their lives? People can't explain God fully, can't understand him fully. But, I know him and he knows me. I've walked with him in my life for several years now and it does get easier to not understand him but still know him. For some reason, some use the lack of understanding as a reason or excuse to not believe in him.

I read today,

"If anything is a mystery to you and is coming between you and God, never look for the explanation in your mind, but look for it in your spirit, your inner nature-that is where the problem is."

Some would say the author is telling us to be ignorant. But he's actually saying that the things of God are not able to be explained in our minds. God uses our spirit to speak to us, not our minds. So, if we wait to understand God, we will be waiting a long time.

Just accept him. Accept him today. Don't wait. Don't make excuses and label them as reasons. Start knowing him now.

Look In Your Hand

Shawn said something interesting last night in his lesson. He said that we should be thankful for the things God has placed in our hand. I looked down at my hand and it was holding my other hand. So, "Thank you God for two hands!!" I know it sounds like I'm making light of this, but I'm really not. I am actually very thankful for having a body that works properly and I have all the body parts I need to live a comfortable life. I can't even imagine missing one finger, let alone a hand.

Even though I took what Shawn said very literally, (and I know that's not how he meant it) I know I am so blessed to have ALL of the things God has placed in my hands…even if it is my other hand.

Parties

Shawn and I got to go to our first and last Christmas party of 2008. There was a huge, hotel ball, but I was sick and Shawn had class. So, we missed that one. But we did get to go to the banquet department party. It was fun to go out not wearing my work uniform.

Pictures!!

Landon lights the candles for Ashton's 8th birthday!

Make a wish buddy

Ashton and Ben 10

Our new friend Abbi

Getting ready for the zip line at Shawn's cousin Robb's house.

Ashton had to climb the tree all by himself. He was so brave.

Do you think he needs an adjustment?

Ashton and his friend Michael pass out birthday cookies at school.

The Ben 10 Omnitrix cake--yes I'm proud!

Our cute little apartment in Colorado Springs.


Lots of learning going on!

Our bedroom

1st day of school 2008 (Ashton-2nd grade, Landon-Kindergarten)

We enjoyed ice cream after the open house at school.

At home making a farris wheel--yea for a daddy who can build cool toys!

Lanny looking big

The "wall-o-toys"

boys' room

Our new pet hippo...j/k...our first trip to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

Two sets of brothers

Way up high at the zoo

At this zoo, it's okay to feed the animals

Landon's desk at open house

Before I forget

Quick story about Landon. About Easter time last year, Landon decided he wanted his shaggy hair to be cut like his daddy's. So Shawn buzzed it and Landon has kept it very short since then. The other day, Shawn was trimming Landon's hair. They called me into the bathroom to see the finished product. I made a big deal about it telling him he looked very handsome. His response was a little shocking. He stuck his lip out and about busted into tears. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Daddy didn't cut it right, he forgot to cut this part." He said this while pointing above his forehead. He was talking about Shawn's receding hairline and about the fact that his hair didn't look EXACTLY like Shawn's!! We did our silent parent laughing (as to not embarrass him). Our kids love us, imperfections and all! The scary thing...they want to be just like us, imperfections and all-talk about pressure.


(I promise, pictures are coming...we did buy an adapter for my camera memory thing and will be able to download them when I get some time off:)

Finally!

My interview went very well yesterday and the hiring manager offered me the job as a banquet server at the end! What a relief! I start the week long orientation on Monday (which is paid...what a blessing) followed by training. I get to wear a cool server tux and everything. My body is going to hurt so bad after I get on the floor but I'll get used to it. I'll get at least one day off a week. If we are really busy, I can work 6 days a week which will be great for us financially. The best part, I'll finally get to learn how to set a table:) It will really help Shawn be able to focus on classes and the dreaded homework and papers that he'll be doing. I'm so proud of him pursuing his education in such an aggressive way! I love you Shawn!

Here's an aerial picture of the massive, 5 Star, 5 Diamond Broadmoor. It's right at the base of the mountains!!

Here's one of the places I'll serve. That'll be me:)

Beautiful picture of the Main Ballroom. Wedding receptions and the like are held here. What a great work environment huh?

For more about the Broadmoor, go to www.broadmoor.com.

ONE of the dumbest things I've ever said

I've been doing a lot of job hunting. Yesterday I had two interviews which was really nerve racking. Last night I remembered something and I couldn't wait to tell Shawn. He laughed so hard that I thought maybe I should share it. If you know me, this wouldn't surprise you at all. The story is short...

I was asked why I would be a good fit at the Broadmoor (a 5 star hotel in Colorado Springs). My response?"I am confident and am very approachable. Well, people tell me I'm approachable. I have never really approached myself so I don't really know."

Yep, that's what I said in an interview! Shawn was rolling on the floor.

Jobs

Just wanted to put a quick post before getting back to the Olympics (which Shawn and I are watching every minute of). There are two very different jobs on the horizon for me.

Job #1 - Missions Asst. for Young Life (consists of answering calls from Young Life leaders all over the country and directing them to the right departments...about 300-400 calls a day I hear)

• pay is okay
• they pay 100% of benefits from day one
• will probably get hired easily and am anticipating an interview this week (did testing last week)
• regular hours 8-5

Job #2 - Banquet Server at The Broadmoor, a local 5 star hotel

• pay is way better than job #1
• will get benefits after 90 days
• am turning my application in tomorrow and will have initial interview at the same time...could get hired quickly
• crazy hours...nothing regular...will have to work some evenings and weekends...possibility of working a max of 70 hours a week which would ensure Shawn could really focus on his classes b/c he could just work part-time, if at all

So, we are just in prayer about what to do. At this point I will have to take whatever offer I get first. Either one would be great and I know that God is my provider, not these jobs. Hopefully I'll be hired somewhere this week. Please pray that God gives me peace while he works this out :)

Return of the Nomadic Daughter

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible b/c I hate posting long posts.
My dad used to call me his nomadic daughter because it seemed that every time I talked to him we were moving again. He hasn't called me that in a long time b/c we've been in Hot Springs for 3 years (our longest anywhere). As you can tell by the title of this post, things have changed. I'll just cut to the chase. Shawn and I decided to move to Colorado Springs, CO so he could attend Nazarene Bible College to finish his education and to knock out his ordination classes at the same time. He's been taking some online classes and have found they are just not for him. He learns better in a classroom. Owning our first home gave us a little uncertainty as to how quickly we would be able to move. God had a plan for that...we were able to rent it to a friend from church who plans to buy it when her house sells in Little Rock. What a blessing for us and for her. We were sad to say goodbye to all of our awesome friends, but we knew we needed to follow where God was sending us. Believe me, I am no friend to "moving". I forgot how much I hated packing and unpacking. My friends were amazing at helping us pack. When we got to CO Shawn's cousin Robb who we found out lives 45 minutes away was here with his new wife Amy to help us unload the truck. What a relief it was to see a familiar face when we arrived. We've met several other students and families and have even been able to help another couple move in to the same apartment complex as ours. We went to Springs First Sunday for church. We plan on checking out a few more before deciding what church to call home for the next 3 years. We're not used to having options as to what church to attend. The church sent us off with a love offering that covered our moving costs but we are desperately searching for jobs. The boys are happy to be here and are anticipating the snow that will come in a few short months. We are finally unpacked and had a "normal" night last night with dinner and relaxing. It was nice. I will post pictures soon of our apartment and view of Pike's Peak which we can see outside our window. Pray for God to provide just the right jobs and for the boys to have great teachers at their new school!! Love to you all!

All Alone

I officially know it's summer, because I'm at home for a week with the boys without Shawn. He's speaking at the Oklahoma District Camp. I really hate to be without him, but it always gives me a chance to do those projects I've been putting off. I'm going to make the best of it. And now that my work schedule has changed and I'm getting off at 1:00 (I know, it's not much of a work schedule) I thought I could work on my tan at the pool with the boys in the afternoon.
Last week was VBS at our church. It was a blast. My job was photographer. What fun! I got to play all night with a camera while everyone else took care of the hundreds of kids. It made for late nights and late dinners, but was worth it.
Besides the pool this week, my big highlight will be Friday night when I get to see Shawn come home and also I get to play softball at 9:00! I hope we do better than we did last time (loosing by one point is never fun). Another one of my joys will be packing, which is not a joy at all. Although, it is a whole lot better than unpacking which is on my list of things to do NEVER! Shawn gets home Friday...Saturday, we will meet his parents so they can take the boys on a week long adventure while we get ready to leave Monday for Gulf Shores for our "Engulfed Youth Camp". I am praying for safety, fun, sun, and for God to fall on the youth and that they would be challenged. Then we'll drive back to Arkansas Friday (20th) and then leave the next day to drive to Tennessee to spend a few days with the Gray Family. I am really looking forward to that time. We'll get to hang with Shawn's sister and her family who will be moving to Orlando very soon to a brand new ministry position. We are all excited for them and are praying for them to have a smooooooth transition.
That's pretty much me in a nutshell lately. Love to you all!

Videos?

I'm going to take a stab at posting some videos. These were all taken with my phone so the quality is pretty poor, but you get the idea.

I took this one of Ashton last night in the tub. He has his "own style" of shaving. And yes, that is a direct quote.

Here's one of my favorite things to look at. This is Landon pigging out on some Chilie's Baby Back Ribs. He never stops chewing!

Here's one of the boys singing...if you can call it that. Oh, and playing instruments.

No Regrets

I'm feeling the pressure today. I've been challenged...challenged by God. I've got to step up my game, get off the bench and without sounding too much like High School Musical-I've got to get my head in the game!

Let me explain. Last night at church Shawn and I got to talk to a young girl about living with no regrets. Regrets never go away, they can stay with you forever. She was very responsive and we hope she took our words to heart. I guess I needed to hear my own words. Of course talking to a teenager, my mind was only on teenage regrets.

Then today, I get on my computer at work and find in my email a daily devotional and something caught my eye...
Today's Truth
"She watches over the affairs of her household..." (Proverbs 31:27 NIV).

I felt my heart strings being pulled ever so slightly. So I read on...
I have always seen a mother as a lighthouse, or beacon in a child's life. Think about it. A beacon is a landmark that her children can always count on. She shines the light of Christ at night and she serves as a landmark by day. She is watching out over the sea of faces to protect her tiny fleet. Like the Proverbs 31 woman she "watches over the ways of her household." She is present. She's available. And she's on guard.

The last couple of weeks have been the toughest mothering I've experienced so far. I know, I know all you mothers of teenagers...it's only going to get harder. But before I go into complete depression, I have to deal with the present before I get completely freaked out about the future.

Lately, I've seen such a rebellion in one of my sons and it scares me all the way to my toes. Disrespect doesn't begin to describe what I've been witnessing. It's like I'm watching a spiritual battle take place and my son is the battlefield. It's not very easy to watch. I've found myself sobbing at his bedside at night just because he looked so peaceful and I hadn't seen him look like that in a while. I prayed like crazy. Shawn and I are always trying to think of things we can do differently to help our children. I know, we have a huge roll to play in his life, but I also know that I am not in control of him, that only God is. Right now there is nothing we could tweak to make this better for him. This was on God. But, you know, what I learned this week (which I thought I already knew) was that God wants control of our kids. I hold on to them so tight that I leave no room for God to do anything. He was telling me, " He is my son, not yours. Let me take care of him!" So I did. I backed off, and let God move in. What a difference. I felt that I was loosing him already, but little did I know, that I had to give him away to gain him back!

My hands were busy through the day.
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn't have much time for you.

I'd wash your clothes.
I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And asked me please to share your fun,
I'd say, "A little later son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door...
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

For life is short, the years rush past.
A little boy grows up so fast.
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,
There are no longer games to play.
No good-night kisses, no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy, now are still
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to.
(Author Unknown)I

(I'm sorry this is so long, and if you've made it this far, I'm almost done, I promise. I probably wouldn't have read any ones blog if it was this long.)

So, I want to live as a mother, with no regrets. I want to be that lighthouse, on guard, at my post, watching over my family. But I've learned the best way to do this is on my knees. Thank you God for teaching me, for not giving up on me even when I do stupid things and try to take your place. Please forgive me for all the years I've been parenting and I haven't let you parent them at all. I love you! Thank you for loving me and my family as much as you do!

Current Stuff

Yesterday we had a youth fundraiser (a youth pastor's favorite thing in the world to do). This one was actually pretty cool, and easy. A local restaurant, Due Amici, an Italian eatery came to us with an idea and we jumped on it. Yesterday after church the students got to serve the tables and 10% of the sales and all tips went towards youth camp. This also provided some publicity for the fairly new restaurant.

Andy getting the first order.

Tyler helping Andy with the big table. They all did such a great job, especially since they're all too young yet to have their own jobs.

Haley and Brittney making drinks. (Landon had my phone right before I took this pic and I think his little buttery fingers got on the lens...that's why it's so hazy)

With a clean lens...here are the Pastor and some of the board members showing their support. I love that no matter how old you get, there's always a girl side and a boy side.

Brian and Melissa with their happy server, Kelsea.

About two weeks ago I took the boys to our favorite park in Hot Springs

Ashton and Landon on the rope pyramid. It was such a beautiful day.

Ashton on top of the pyramid..."Hurry Mom, take my picture!"

After playing we went for a hike and their little boy eyes were on the look out for caterpillars. Landon was the first to find one. He loved it and took care of it all day. It even made it all the way home with us and then we had to let it outside so it could eat.

Ashton did finally find one of his own, with his brothers help. They were so excited!

We had such a good time together at the park while Daddy was at a boring meeting. We thought about going and rescuing him, but we didn't want to get him in trouble.

I love my boys and am so thankful for days like that Saturday. As they get older those days will be harder to find. I'm soaking it all up while I can. I tell them they will always be my babies, and let me tell you, they do not like to hear that. It always makes them laugh though. I am praying that God keeps a hold of them so tight; that He will protect them; be real to them and keep them close to him through the years to come.

He's Amazing

My husband is just so handy! He helped me to finally have a "cool" blog. Thanks hun!

What do you all think?

Tagged!

My friend Amy tagged me! I am supposed to list 8 random things about myself that you may not know. Here it goes:

1. I've had random jobs over the last years ranging from secretary-dental assistant-pool and spa sales! But my most favorite job was staying home with my boys.
2. I secretly want to be an actress...either as a cast member on The Office or even as a writer for SNL. Both would be nice. Oh, or as a female spy like Sydney Bristow on Alias! That would be great!
3. I do not like going to church district events and see my future as a pastor's wife. I try very hard to maintain my youth and style so I don't fit into the "mold" of many Nazarene wives. Ahhh...I'm doomed!
4. At least yearly I completely change my hair style-cut and color. It's crazy, but why not if I can right?
5. I'm a huge fan of Animal Planet, Discover Channel and TLC which makes me deathly afraid of being attacked by a shark. My first time snorkeling (which I was completely stoked for)...I had what some would say was a panic attack in the water which in my mind was not good...I thought I was ringing the dinner bell for all sharks in the area "ahem, ahem, calling all sharks, calling all sharks...flailing young woman on the surface...your attention needed in this matter." I was also afraid I would run into coral and cut my skin and then I would start bleeding and we all know that sharks can smell blood miles away!!...did I say it was terrible. I finally did calm down (thanks to Shawn) and really enjoyed what time I had left in the water.
6. I had a crush on my 10th grade math teacher, Mr. Brackman. My senior year I had an opportunity to be his student aid but turned it down because I thought he had a crush on me and that freaked me out.
7. I wish I had a passion for running.
8. I hate shopping, but love buying new things...but then I feel guilty.
9. Bonus-It took me like a month to think up all of this.

So, now I'm supposed to tag my friends. Instead of doing that, if you feel like participating then go for it.

I've Been Bad

It seems that almost everytime I go out of town, Shawn goes to the movies with friends and watches some movie that we've BOTH been wanting to see. Then I come back in town, ready to go out with my hubbie and find out that he's already seen what I've been waiting for. He did it with Star Wars (the third one), Lord of the Rings (the first one), Batman Begins, and Spiderman I think.

Well, this week I had to spend a couple of days away from my family. While I was in Missouri, Mom rented I am Legend... a movie we've been wanting to see for like a year it seems. I was laughing with Mom telling her that I couldn't wait to tell Shawn that I got him back. As it turns out, Mom and I got pretty freaked out. I wished I had Shawn to cuddle with to make me feel safe. Serves me right I guess.

We talked and he asked me what I did tonight. I confessed and he headed to RedBox to get the movie. He's brave to watch that movie all by himself! I bet he'll wish I was there too!